Last week, my mother-in-law passed away, after her battle with ovarian cancer. She had been hospitalized for the eight weeks prior to her death, after undergoing surgery, and did not recover. While it's sad to have her leave us, it's also a relief that her pain and suffering has ended.
It has also brought to surface all of the pain that I felt when my mother lost her battle with cancer in 2004, just four short months after her youngest grandchild, my daughter, Aili, was born.
I was with her the day before she passed. Connor was done school for the Christmas holidays and I had travelled out to Leamington to see Mom. Frustration over not being able to do anything for her, as well as dealing with my dad's increasing depression over her state, led me to make the decision to take the kids home that night. I wanted to foist them off onto Gary, who in my sleep-deprived state of mind, was the lucky one... he got to go to work every day and escape the horror of watching my mom slowly suffocate, while trying to keep a newborn and a 5 year old entertained and quiet all day.
Despite my sisters and my dad's request that I stay, I selfishly decided to go home and retreat for a while.
There isn't a day that goes by without me regretting that fact.
My mother passed away in the early morning. My sister told me that she woke up, looked around and saw Dad and my sisters, and then asked where I was. Every day, I wonder what she wanted to tell me.
It has also brought to surface all of the pain that I felt when my mother lost her battle with cancer in 2004, just four short months after her youngest grandchild, my daughter, Aili, was born.
photo taken Sept 25, 2004 by Gary Sykes
I was with her the day before she passed. Connor was done school for the Christmas holidays and I had travelled out to Leamington to see Mom. Frustration over not being able to do anything for her, as well as dealing with my dad's increasing depression over her state, led me to make the decision to take the kids home that night. I wanted to foist them off onto Gary, who in my sleep-deprived state of mind, was the lucky one... he got to go to work every day and escape the horror of watching my mom slowly suffocate, while trying to keep a newborn and a 5 year old entertained and quiet all day.
Despite my sisters and my dad's request that I stay, I selfishly decided to go home and retreat for a while.
There isn't a day that goes by without me regretting that fact.
My mother passed away in the early morning. My sister told me that she woke up, looked around and saw Dad and my sisters, and then asked where I was. Every day, I wonder what she wanted to tell me.
I can't turn back time, but I can write her a letter, telling her everything that I meant to say, had I known it would have been my last time seeing her.
Write a letter to someone, telling them everything that you've always meant to tell them. It may be a parent or sibling that is no longer with you. Or it may be an estranged friend with whom you've parted ways, due to a disagreement or just plain distance. Whatever the case, write from the heart and include everything that you had forgotten to say. Who knows? Maybe they'll hear what you have to say...
Layout to follow shortly - I need to print off a photo still!
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A sad but meaningful challenge Sue. I too was missing when my Mum lost her battle and I never got to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteHugs xx