Thursday, July 01, 2010

Proud to Be Canadian

Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians, here and living abroad!

In honour of Canada's 143rd birthday, I thought I'd share this classic email that has been circulating for some time...

Disclaimer:  This is meant to be very tongue-in-cheek - no offence meant, just poking fun at some stereotypical misconceptions and the like... Some of these are new, even to me!

1. You have a tendency to say "eh" after every sentence.
2.You know the difference between "colour" and "color", "favourite" and "favorite" and "centre" and "center"
3. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
4. You have been asked, at least once: “Do you live in an igloo?”
5. You know that a "premier" isn't a baby who was born a few months early.
6. Most of your reality TV shows have been ripped off from America (American Idol/Canadian Idol)
7. You start your car 30 minutes before you use it
8. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging
9. You know what a toque is.
10. Non-Canadians often question you when you talk about a loonie or toonie
11. You know Toronto is not a province
12. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
13. In the song 'If I Had a Million Dollars' by The Barenaked Ladies, you've memorized the inter-stanza banter between Steven & Ed.48. You have had poutine at least once in your life.
14. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
15. You drink pop, not soda.
16. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip
17. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Candy, William Shatner, Tom Green, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Pamela Anderson Lee, and many more, are Canadians.
18. Your Halloween costume is designed to fit over a snowsuit.
19. Every murder is reported.
20. You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
21. When you own 5 pairs of hockey skates and only one pair of shoes.
22. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
23. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
24. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
25. You recognize the following acronyms: CPP, RSP, and CCM
26. You can complete the phrase: "The good old ____ game is the best ____ you can ____."
27. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway
28. Only in Canada are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
29. It's called a WASHROOM, not a lavatory or powder room or rest room.
30. You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.
31. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
32. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons
33. You're not offended by the term "homo milk".
34. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
35. You've ever said: "I need more flannel clothing".
36. You understand everything in this list, and email it to all your friends.
37. You read rather than scanned this list.
38. You get up at 5:00 am (the beginning of broadcasting hours) to hear the Canadian national anthem.
39. You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a damn that it doesn't rhyme in the "ABC" song.
40. You know what an R.C.M.P. Officer is, and you've been pulled over by them more than a normal police..
41. You are in Grade 12, not the 12th grade
42. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".
43. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
44. When it's 3 degrees in the summer, it's freezing, but when it's 3 degrees in the winter, it's the warmest day of your life.
45. You arrive home, thankful to be welcomed back into the warmth that somehow hadn't seemed enough earlier.
46. You know what capris are.
47. You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette? I just spilled my poutine."
48. You call items by their advertised name, like Kleenex, Oreos, Pogos, Klondike Bar, etc...instead of facial tissues, sandwich cookies, corndogs, ice cream bars. 
49. You can drink legally while still a teenager.
50. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
51. You know what a double-double is.
52. You smile when people discover that calling you a 'Canuck' isn't an insult.
53. You learned more about Canadian History from the Heritage Minutes commercials.
54. You've left a message at the beep.
55. The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
56. The police are armed, but not with submachine guns.
57. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
58. Your Beer case handles are big enough to fit your mittens.
59. You know that we don't all live in igloos and ride polar bears to work.
60. You've worn earmuffs and sandals at the same time, and didn't feel uncomfortable, because everyone else was wearing them too.
61. You're familiar with Kids In The Hall, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, Made In Canada, Red Green, North of 60, Anne of Green Gables, Royal Canadian Air Farce, Due South, Road to Avonlea, Raccoons, Danger Bay, Spirit Bay, Kids of Degrassi Street, Street Legal and maybe Traders, or if you're older, The Beachcombers, Wayne and Schuster, Don Messer's Jubilee, Front Page Challenge, and King of Kensington, even if you haven't watched them personally.
62. You insist on calling American celebrities by their "proper" pronunciation:  Jay-Zed, Zed Zed Top...
63. You like The Molson 'Canadian' beer commercials
64. You can get a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
65.  You have to explain "milk in a bag" to your non-Canadian family and friends, along with the "snippy thing" used to cut it open.
66.  The "snippy thing" is either attached to the milk container, or somewhere on your fridge. 
67. You use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
68. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
69. You know the proper pronunciation of the words Lieutenant and schedule.
70. You occasionally answer the phone by saying "Oui, 'ello".
71. Your local paper covers the national news on 2 pages but requires 6 pages for hockey
72. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
73. You've plugged a car in overnight.
74. You're easily impressed by British accents.
75. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
76.  You think -10C weather is mild.
77. When in Niagara Falls, you scoff at how pathetic the American falls are compared to the Canadian ones.
78. You participated in "Participaction".
79. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
80. You fly into a rage in a 7-Eleven in the US because they don't sell Crispy Crunch.
81. You would feel safe leaving your children alone with a grown man in a leotard playing a flute to a chicken.
82. You think an income tax refund is a gift from the government
83. You're fascinated by minute differences between the U.S. and Canada, and a bit annoyed at Europeans who can't tell you apart.
84. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, favorite and color.
85. You know what a Chesterfield is.
86. Bob & Doug Mackenzie. 'Nuff said.
87. Tim Horton's. Again, 'nuff said.
88. You know who Steven and Ed are.
89. You constantly apologize for things, even if they aren't your fault.

Enjoy your holiday!

1 comment:

  1. 2. and fetus and foetus
    29. or a TOILET
    34. and not a "cue"
    41. not "year 12" either
    48. LOL how about this "can you hoover your floor?" um what about vacuum maybe???
    69. lol so true
    83. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!


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